


I Don't Hate You, I Hate How You Make Me Feel

by 0101Binaries01010



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Angst, Fighting, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0101Binaries01010/pseuds/0101Binaries01010
Summary: Dallas Winston wasn't used to this feeling.I couldn't get the title out of my head so here we are! Roll the tapes. Leave a review, criticism, praise, or a request in the comment section.
Relationships: Two-Bit Mathews/Dallas Winston
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

Dallas Winston was never once showed love in his life. Instead, he grew up to fast and made a living out of robbing stores and jumping Socs. So when he started to feel different around his friend -no, he didn't have friends, he was just a guy he hung around- Two-Bit, he didn't know what to call it. At first, he thought it was anger, then annoyance, then he overheard Ponyboy talking about what _love_ felt like to Johnny. _"When you see them it feels like your heart is gonna beat out your chest and you can't help but stare at them because they are just so perfect,"_ said the boy, and he finally understood what the strange feeling in his stomach was whenever he would see Two-Bit. 

So, Dallas did the only thing he knew how to do, he distanced himself from Two-Bit. When Two-Bit would talk to him he would find an excuse to walk off or just space out -something he learned as a child and he still uses today-, while he was spaced out, he would try and search his brain for excuses as to why he loved him. Maybe it was because he showed kindness and he was one of two people who could make him laugh -the other being Johnny- but none of those reasons made sense since the other gang members showed him kindness and he wasn't falling head over heels in love with them. 

To combat this, Dallas started spending more time at Bucks and Tim's, drinking and fighting the night away since getting drunk and pain seemed to be the only two things that could take his mind off the wisecrack. Because of his drinking and fighting, he spent less time with the gang, which was killing him. He'd never admit it, but he loved the gang, they accepted him even though he was always getting thrown in the slammer and he never really tried to connect much with them. He especially missed Two-Bit, it seemed as though distancing himself was only doing more damage, but he didn't know how to fix it; Fix being gone. 

It was midnight, the music blasting through the bar at all times, blasting Hank Williams. Dallas was sitting on the bed he was renting at the moment, he had only a sheet on the bed, too poor to afford anything more. He was sitting on the edge, ready to jump up and run if he needed to, though he didn't know why no one messes with Dallas Winston. He had a lit cigarette in his hand, but he wasn't inhaling the chemicals into his lungs, instead, he was watching the smoke drift up and into the moonlight, which was bright enough that it lit up the room, creating vast shadows across his floor. He should probably go to sleep, but he can't, he senses something bad is about to happen but he doesn't know what. He hadn't had any fights recently and he had paid his rent on time, so why was his gut-twisting and making him feel sick? All of a sudden, there was a knocking on the door, but he thought nothing of it, it was most likely someone bumping into the door. But he heard it again, louder this time, making his stomach twist more if that was even possible. Dallas got up carefully, snuffing his cigarette out in his ashtray and stretching his arms high above his head to stretch them out in case he needed to fight. When Dallas opened the door, he was surprised at who he saw, it was Two-Bit, he looked sober but he lacked his usual cheery aura, instead, it was replaced by sadness. 

"Hey man, what's up?" Dallas asked, relaxing his form a bit, his stomach fluttering. "Nothin' much, just wondered where you were at. I asked around for a bit and Tim said that you could be found here." Two-Bit stated sternly, keeping his eyes on Dallas. Dallas didn't know how to respond, he knew it had been a while since he had seen the gang, but he didn't think it had been _that_ long. "Why?" Dallas questioned, locking his eyes onto Two-Bits, which seemed like a mistake since the redhead seemed mad. "Because you haven't talked to the gang in almost two months Dal! We thought you were locked up again but you didn't call and your stays never go past one month. So you wanna tell me what's up?" Two-Bit said furiously. Dallas looked away from Two-Bits eyes and stepped aside to let Two-Bit in, which Two-Bit immediately did, "I've had some stuff on my mind, Two. I just needed a few weeks to figure it out." Dallas said, looking at Two-Bit to see his reaction. Two-Bit just sighed and shook his head, "Dal, everyone has something on their minds, but that isn't a reason to just stop seeing your friends," Two-Bit said, looking at Two-Bit with cold eyes. Dallas just looked down ashamed, he didn't think about how it would affect the gang, to be honest, he didn't think the gang minded not having him around. They didn't have to worry about what trouble Dallas was making with one of the Curtis boys or if he had another fight with Tim. Dallas decided to sit on his bed and motioned for Two-Bit to do the same, but Two-Bit stayed standing, his arms crossed and puffing out his chest a bit to seem more threatening. 

"Two, I know it looks bad, but let me explain. I just couldn't be around the gang any longer. I was having an inner conflict." Dallas said, which gained a scowl from Two-Bit, "Yeah, and what was that inner conflict? Who do ya hate? Is it me?" Two-Bit said, which gained a snort from the blonde, "No, you ass, I don't hate you, I hate how you make me feel." Dallas said, standing quickly in case Two-Bit decided he wanted to fight. Two-Bit just looked at him confused, he had never heard that before. He has been hated, but he's never heard someone say they've hated how they make them feel. "I don't know what you mean," Two-Bit said, getting more and more frustrated with the man in front of him. 

Dallas just sighed, he didn't want to confess, his ego was too big for that. "Think about it," was all the blonde said before pushing him out the door and nearly slamming it in his face. 

Dallas hated how he reacted. He hadn't meant to say that and now he felt panicked. Maybe he would just leave it and leave him alone, but knowing how curious Two-Bit normally is, he'd try and get to the bottom of it. Slowly, Dallas sat back down on his bed, he wondered if the gang hated him. He wouldn't be surprised, he's pretty good at making people hate him. He felt himself start to cry as thoughts of the gang hating him invaded his head. His dad was right, no one would love him. Goddammit, he hated how Two-Bit made him feel, but he hated how the gang made him feel more. 


	2. Maybe I Don't Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two-Bit goes back to Buck's to figure out what Dallas meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dedicated to Abby who left a very sweet comment on one the first chapter of this fic that I just had to do another so I hope this was okay!

Two-Bit had stood at Dallas’s door for what felt like ages, trying to comprehend what had happened and what he meant. 

‘He hated how he made him feel,’ Two-Bit thought, walking down the steep steps and passing dozens of couples making out or doing other things. 

He thought and thought about what it might be, what he’d done wrong to make the blond feel such a way. 

He slept on it, thinking of the different possibilities and what it meant for not only his future but the gangs.

So when he woke up the next morning, legs aching from the long walk and the sun shining almost painfully bright through his window, he’d come to the conclusion that maybe Dallas just hated him. 

‘I mean, a lot of people hate me,’ Two-Bit thought as he got changed into a green sweater and fresh blue-jeans. 

It was true, he’d made his own reputation for being a nuisance and that had gained him, friends, and enemies. 

This is why he assumed Dallas was now his enemy. 

‘But, I should go check again,’ Two-Bit said to himself, walking through his small house and walking out the front door, breathing in the deep scent of fall and rain. 

The walk to Buck’s had seemed shorter in the day than the night, the moon no longer having an ominous glow that made him duck and check around corners for threats that weren’t there.

The sun was bright out, brighter than he had expected and he had to squint for most of the walk, his vision was overwhelmed with the bright reds and oranges of the changing season. 

The wise-crack soon arrived at Buck’s the bar looking more inviting than when it was dark out and blasting country music. 

Two-Bit stepped inside, pushing open the loud, screen door and stepping over broken glass and cigarette buds as he made his way to where Buck was cleaning up. 

“Mornin’, Mathews,” Buck said, his southern drawl prominent in his tired voice.  
“Lookin’ for Dallas, he here?” I asked as confident as I could, my voice was wavering as Buck looked me up and down. 

“He’s upstairs, probably sleepin’,” Buck said, returning to his cleaning.

I muttered a ‘thanks’, stepping over knocked over chairs and more glass as I made my way up the old, rickety steps.

Now that music wasn’t playing, I could hear more.

I focused on the birds chirping outside and the soft wind as I knocked on Dallas’s door, the soft and peaceful sounds calming me.

I could hear faint footsteps before the door opened to a disheveled and sleep-deprived Dallas Winston, who immediately looked me over and narrowed his eyes. 

“What the hell do you want, Mathews?” Dallas said gruffly, running a hand down his face to clear the sleep from his eyes.

I gulped, glancing down at Dallas’s chest which was all hard muscle built off of years of fighting and surviving. 

“Wanted to talk about last night,” I said quickly, making eye contact.

I felt heat rush to my face as he gave me a once-over, his right eyebrow-raising as he stepped to the side to let me in. 

I immediately stepped in, my legs felt weak under me as I looked around at the small apartment.

I tried thinking of what came over me, why I felt like this when looking at a friend.

I’m not gay.

I walked over to the window on the far side of the apartment, near the unmade bed.

It was warm in here despite the cold wind blowing outside.

“You said you hated how I made you feel, why? What does that mean?” I asked, turning around.

Dallas had closed the door and was now leaning against the wall his arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with his pale blue eyes.

“You hate me, don’t you,” I said harshly, my jaw fixing itself for a fight.

Dallas sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood up straighter.

“Quite the opposite,” Dallas mumbled, looking past me to the window.

I thought for a moment, thinking that maybe Dallas did like me and what the opposite of hate was.

“You love me?” I said quietly, relaxing my stance, and loosening my shoulders.

Dallas however, tensed, his shoulder squaring and his gaze sharp. 

“Dallas, I love you too, as friends. What’s going on?” I asked, my tone was sharper than intended and I could see Dallas ready to charge. 

“Dammit, Two-Bit!” Dallas spit out angrily, “I love you, like head over heels. I hate how you make me feel because I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you and I don’t know why.” 

Dallas looked so defeated, his gaze softening to sadness that tore through me like a wave.

“Shit, Dal,” I said in a whisper, shaking my head and looking down.

“It’s okay if you wanna go. I’ll skip town or go back to New York,” Dallas said quietly, his gaze falling to the floor. 

I snapped my gaze up, taking the last few steps forward to meet Dallas. 

“Two-” Dallas started before I interrupted.

“Shut the fuck up,” I said before kissing him.

It was brutal and rushed and everything we both needed. It felt like a rush of emotion surged through me with how hard I kissed Dal and how hard he kissed me. 

It felt like fire, how hot we were burning together.  
“Is it a good time to tell you that I might be gay?” I said, pulling away with a smile.

Dallas let out a laugh, one that radiated joy, his eyes sparkling with it.

“I might be too,” Dallas said before putting his right hand on my hip and the other behind my neck to pull me into another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this at 2 am, no regrets rn but I'll probably regret it later.


End file.
